With special guest William M. Timpson, Ph.D.
Technology enables us to learn and connect with each other in ways I never imagined as I worked toward a degree in the leading edge field of computer science “back in the day”. At that time computers were often used for complex computations, a long distance phone call was expensive, and writing letters was time consuming and provided a very slow Return on Investment. Fast forward to 2017. Almost every day I am taken aback by the wide variety of options we have to communicate instantly with almost everyone we know and even some we don't know. Facebook and other forms of social media enable us to easily keep in touch and share the most exciting (and mundane) aspects of our lives with relatives and friends that are near and far; some we may not have seen face-to-face for decades and some who may live on the other side of the world. Twitter lets us receive seemingly unfiltered messages from so many, including the President of the United States. And a plethora of news channels enable us to filter perspectives so that we can customize our impressions of world events and the attitudes of others. Most of the time I think that this is great and that it enriches our lives and improves our relationships. But sometimes it seems overwhelming, my view of the world and current events becomes skewed and distorted, and/or I am left with a feeling that “everyone” else has a life fueled by a steady stream of euphoria and joy while I’m sitting at home doing laundry … again. That can be a Tech Frustration. Recently, my husband, 21-year-old son, and I watched a video about Millennials in the Workplace. It sparked a great discussion, and let’s just say that the Baby Boomer parents and Millennial son didn’t see eye-to-eye on all of the opinions shared. It was a lively conversation. And it got me thinking about relationships and how they can be enhanced or hurt because of the existence of social media, our attitudes about it, and our determination to use it carefully or treat it casually and/or carelessly. Through some Restorative Justice volunteer work, I met an interesting and inspirational guy named Dr. William Timpson. Dr. Timpson is a professor in the School of Education at Colorado State University, and he has a fascinating background that includes work in Northern Ireland, South Africa, South Korea, and Burundi. Dr. Timpson and the Restorative Justice program have taught me a lot about listening and conflict resolution. Recently I asked Dr. Timpson how he thinks technology and social media are impacting our ability to strengthen relationships and resolve conflicts. Drawing from his 2002 book, Teaching and Learning Peace (Madison, WI: Atwood), here is some of what he told me. Dr. Timpson: We all know that good communication can be pivotal in defusing a volatile confrontation. It helps lower emotions and defenses so everyone can obtain better understanding and define peaceful resolution alternatives. This information draws on Tom Gordon’s (1974) Teacher Effectiveness Training to describe three sets of skills that provide an effective model for establishing good communication: 1) Deep Listening, 2) Empathetic Expressing, and 3) Consensus.
References Covey, S. (1989) The seven habits of highly effective people, New York, NY: Simon and Schuster. Gordon, T. (1974) Teacher effectiveness training. New York, NY: Peter H. Whyden. Solnit, R. (1994) Savage dreams: A journey into the landscape wars of the American West. New York, NY: Vintage. Timpson, W. (2002) Teaching and Learning Peace, Madison, WI: Atwood. Subscribe or unsubscribe to this blog.
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Yesterday we started a home improvement project. Theoretically this should be “fun”, but I’ve been through enough of these in the past to know that there will be some significant inconveniences along the way. There will be days without a stove and a kitchen sink and even a few days where we’ll have to stay off sections of the floor. And then there’s the dust. Dust I expect to be chasing well into the summer months. When I encounter a challenge, I like to try to turn the experience into a game. So when the contractors arrived bright and early yesterday morning, I said, “Let’s have a contest to see who finishes first; you guys with our kitchen or Donald Trump with The Wall.” The general contractor assured me that he will win, and you can be sure that I’ll be rooting for him every step of the way.
Speaking of “The Wall”, this is clearly an emotional topic for many. One article reported that Pope Francis told journalists, "A person who thinks only about building walls … is not Christian." Another critically thinking friend pointed out that the Vatican has a wall around it. When our kids were little, and our lives were pretty much tracking all of the activities described in The Berenstain Bears books, we especially enjoyed reading The Berenstain Bears’ New Neighbors. The new neighbors in that story happened to be pandas, and they put up a wall of sorts made from bamboo of all things. Papa Bear initially referred to it as a “spite fence”. But I digress … Technology lets us build virtual walls quickly and easily. When you un-friend someone on Facebook, you build a wall and protect yourself from perspectives that make you mad or uncomfortable. Or maybe you just don’t want to see yet another cat photo in your Newsfeed. When you password protect your online account, you build a wall to protect your assets, ideas, and/or identity. It would be irresponsible to be careless with that info. Heck, just last week the Tech Frustrations blog post provided instructions that showed you how to block select people from reading your Facebook posts. That’s a wall and one that I claimed might protect, or even enhance, your relationships. Personally I don’t think that a wall along the US-Mexico border is a great idea for a number of reasons, but walls can be helpful in some situations. Especially when we want to avoid Tech Frustrations. So much information is shared online these days, and when we forget to establish boundaries we can get into trouble. Trouble that may start as a simple Tech Frustration, but very quickly lead to a career and/or other life frustration. If you’re not sure what I mean, ask your friends for some examples. One story that comes to mind is about a young woman who arrived for a job interview right on time, only to be greeted in the lobby by an HR rep. The HR rep immediately informed her that after reading her blog post the previous night, the company was no longer interested in considering her for their open position. And who can forget the story about the data breach of the Ashley Madison web site. Ouch! You may recall that Ashley Madison is “a Canadian online dating and social networking service marketed to people who are married or in committed relationships.” I can’t even remember if the client data was ever published, but I’m guessing that just the thought of it caused a bit of angst for at least a few of their 32 million members. That was a wall that could have used more fortification! So what’s my point? Good question. I don’t really think I have one. I’ve just been thinking a lot about walls this week. Sometimes I like ‘em and sometimes I don’t. But I definitely like this quote from Maya Angelou: “Love recognizes no barriers. It jumps hurdles, leaps fences, penetrates walls to arrive at its destination full of hope.” Let me know what you think about walls (or anything else) in the Comments section below. Do you have any Tech Frustrations? If so, tell me about them on the Tech Frustrations web site. Subscribe or unsubscribe to this blog. Diversity is valuable. I’ve seen first-hand the way a diverse team can deliver high value in business. When a team includes a “strategic thinker”, a “technical genius”, a “process guru”, some “construction workers”, a “diplomat”, a “communicator”, and someone who can “sell ice cubes to Eskimos” it is often impossible to stop them from succeeding. They come up with great ideas, design great products and services, and get them into the hands of customers who often use them to produce great value for others and sometimes the world. There is no way a team of strategic thinkers could deliver as much value. Nor could a team comprised of only communicators. You get the idea.
But diversity is also hard. Once, when I was working for a large company going through significant strategic changes, the CEO was consistently communicating with employees. The message became repetitive and boring; change is hard. My reaction was to think, “Yeah, yeah, yeah. We know! You’ve told us this so many times before.” The more we got into that hard work of change, the harder it got. I still remember the very moment, in a fit of total exasperation, I thought to myself, “This is really hard!” And that’s when it hit me; the CEO had meant that this change was going to be hard for everyone … even me. In that moment I realized that every time we had been told that it would be hard, I had assumed that meant it was going to be hard for the other people, but certainly not me. Of course I was wrong. Very wrong. It was hard for everyone … including me. Diversity is usually hard … for everyone. Years ago I remember reading a letter to the editor in our local newspaper that talked about this very issue. The writer pointed out that most people say that they value diversity. What they mean is that they don’t care what their neighbors look like or where they do (or don’t) go to church. But our value of diversity is really tested when those same neighbors don’t maintain their lawn in a way that ensures it looks like every other lawn on the block. And it gets really tested when those same neighbors come from a part of the world where dog meat is sometimes served for dinner … and your dog ends up on those neighbors’ dinner plate! That is not easy. Diversity can get very complicated very quickly. Speaking of diversity, maybe you’ve heard that over here in the United States, we’ve just gone through an election that enabled us to express a little diversity of opinion. For those of us experiencing the aftermath, let me just tell you that it has been quite the experience, and that experience is just beginning. There are plenty of people producing plenty of commentary about what’s going on and why, so let me just tell you that as a “communicator” I find it exciting to see so many people sharing so many ideas. Diversity certainly has the power to improve our country, improve our government, and improve us as people. It’s worked very well for us in the past. I’m also finding it sad to watch as some are communicating their way to damaged relationships and lost opportunities by refusing to look at things from a different perspective. It has me wondering if maybe we all need a little more guidance about how to communicate with others when we don’t agree with them ... when we have a diversity of opinion. I suppose those books have already been written and the courses already taught. But maybe we need to seek them out right now. Maybe the media, which has mastered the art of division, would like to help us out by modeling better behavior and trying to become part of the solution. Yesterday I had what I thought was a great idea. Or at the very least it was an idea. In an attempt to help heal a divided country, I found myself wondering (out loud to a friend on Facebook) if we could launch a program that would match people who have diverse opinions with each other. My thinking was that if we could match people who live close to each other, they could meet one-on-one and face-to-face to become slow friends. As time progressed they could discuss more significant issues. Maybe they could start by talking about the weather, and over months and months move on to more significant topics like cooking, families, sports, movies, and eventually ... ideas. The goal? World peace, of course. I think it just might work. Which brings me to Tech Frustrations. If we’re going to resolve them, I think we need to harness the power of diversity. If you design products, I encourage you to seek out a tech-challenged friend or family member. There is power in that partnership … for both the tech-savvy person and the technically challenged. The more the “techies” see where the rest of us struggle with technology, the more you all can design the help we need right into the products. And when the tech-challenged get to know the tech-savvy? Well, heck, that’s when we learn how to use these powerful frustraters. And that’s when we realize much of their value. So remember, diversity is hard. Maybe those of us using technology can form valuable partnerships and model the value of diversity for the rest of the world. Let’s not stop trying until we’ve achieved world peace. And freedom from Tech Frustrations. Comments are encouraged below. Do you have any Tech Frustrations? If so, tell me about them on the Tech Frustrations web site. Subscribe or unsubscribe to this blog. |
Kathy HaselmaierTechnology enthusiast. Archives
September 2019
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