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Tech Frustrations Blog

R-E-S-P-E-C-T:  Find out what it means to me

1/26/2017

6 Comments

 
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This is not a political post, although some stories have been pulled from the political spotlight. You won’t read anything controversial below, and you may learn new ways to show your friends that you respect and appreciate them.
 
Apparently the Obama daughters attended a state dinner last year. While I’ve heard a lot of criticism of President Obama (and even his wife) over the last eight years, none of it, and I mean none of it, has been focused on their parenting skills. Either they are exemplary parents, or the people I know don't feel comfortable throwing rocks at other parents right now. Maybe it’s a little bit of both. In one article Michelle talks about her girls and explains that she and her husband “tried to normalize their lives as much as possible” while they were living in the White House. I’m guessing that she didn’t think that their attendance at a lot of State Dinners would support that objective. But apparently she did want them to have that experience … once and at the right time. Hold this thought. (Or, speaking of presidential daughters, take a break and watch this 2 min video which is just fun and funny.)
 
While the Obamas were raising their daughters in the White House, and even before that, Donald Trump was making it clear that he likes to negotiate. I do too! My husband and kids know that my favorite negotiations result in win-win-win outcomes even though I simply promote myself as a “win-win negotiator” on LinkedIn. Few things are as rewarding as getting exactly what I want while making sure that other people get exactly what they want (or more) at the same time. Constructing mutually beneficial outcomes is a challenge I enjoy and my desire to achieve win-win outcomes is why I prefer to attend a “show” over a “big game” and why I volunteer with a Restorative Justice program instead of the Special Olympics.  All are interesting and worthwhile activities, I just seek out and appreciate win-win opportunities the most.
 
These stories provide an introduction to two of my favorite Facebook features; 1) Who should see this? and 2) Edit or delete this.  I use both features most days because they make it super easy to precisely control who sees things I share via Facebook, and they let me correct and/or improve my comments if I find errors or improvement opportunities after they're posted.  
 
You may find these features valuable if A) You respect your friends’ and family’s time, B) You value the way you are perceived by other people, and/or C) You want to share your ideas in a way that will be respected by others and may even cause them to see something from a different point of view.   
 
Respect Your Friends
If you think you see everything I post on Facebook, you’re wrong … and lucky :) My mom knows that I recently made her famous Hungarian Mushroom Soup for the first time, but I figured few others would want to hear about it. People who responded to my question about future political posts know what I think about the recent elections, but apparently a number of my close relatives, not to mention good friends, were very happy to be spared the experience of reading my political musings. The Facebook Who should see this? feature makes respecting people's time and interests very easy.
 
Manage Your Brand
The best collection of career advice I received came from Patty Azzarello who reminds us, “You have a Personal Brand right now whether you know it or not.” She offers lots of good advice to help you ensure that you are perceived the way you want to be perceived. The Facebook Who should see this? feature gives you a lot of control over how you are perceived. And frankly, I wish that some people would use it more often. (Because unfortunately, some things can never be unseen.)
 
Open People’s Eyes
If you start a conversation with an insult, it’s likely that your friend won't hear anything else you say. It’s even less likely that they’ll respect what you say or that you’ll be able to influence them to see something from a different perspective. If you want to change someone’s mind, you may want to start the conversation in a way that will create, not destroy, trust. This means that you need to customize your messages based on the recipient(s). The Facebook Who should see this? feature will help you do this too.
 
Since many seem unaware of the Who should see this? and Edit or delete this features, let me show them to you.

Facebook Feature: Who should see this?
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​This photo highlights the feature you can use to control who sees your posts. You can share a post with "Public" (i.e. anyone on Facebook), "Friends", lists, or for the most control click on "Custom". (You may need to click on "More options" to see the "Custom" option.) You can then list the people by name you want to see your post or list people by name if you do not want them to see your post.  

​You can also create friend lists to simplify the process of sharing info with select groups on a regular basis.
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After you've published your post, you can click on the icon shown in the red box to review who can see your post and/or make changes.

​Facebook Feature: Edit or delete this
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Oh, no! What if your post contains one or more spelling or other errors? Have no fear. It's easy to edit or delete your post.
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Simply click the little icon shown in the red box and then click "Edit Post".

(Notice that you can also "Delete" your post.)
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Boom! Hopefully very few people even noticed your mistake(s). You can also use this feature to provide an update to your original post.
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You can edit or delete comments too.
(There is no need to create a second comment telling people that you found your mistake or to clarify your point, just edit or delete it.)

Note: On a smart phone, simply place your finger on the comment and hold it there until "Edit Post" and "Delete" options appear.

This post opened with the story about the Obamas because it's a great example of people sharing information, or in that case an experience, with others (i.e. their daughters) at the right time ... for the daughters. Donald Trump and I have learned that when you are negotiating with an audience, especially when you strive for win-win or win-win-win outcomes, you need to start by establishing a level of trust ... with the audience.

W
hen you take the time to use the Facebook Who should see this? and Edit or delete this features to share the right message with the right people at the right time you respect your friends, reinforce your image as a careful and considerate communicator, create and maintain trust, and you may even enable people see things in a new way. 

R-E-S-P-E-C-T: Now you know what it means to me.

P.S. If you think this article is about you, you may be right, but only a little. Mostly ... it's not you, it's me. This post was inspired by many of my own experiences as well as observations gathered from too much time on Facebook. It's a jungle out there, and I'm simply striving to help you avoid a few Tech Frustrations ... and maybe a few personal frustrations too.
6 Comments
Dave Mack
1/26/2017 02:48:01 pm

Thanks for including the "Edit or delete" feature. I use that constantly, most of the time because I've changed the wording of what I wanted to say, or I type so quickly (and inaccurately) that misspellings and grammatical errors show up constantly. Isn't it weird that you don't notice a lot of errors when you're typing something (FB posts, emails, etc.) until you've pulled the "Post" or "Send" trigger? I've tried to discipline myself to wait until I've read what I've written before sending it out to the world. It's amazing how often I've caught really dumb errors by trying to do that.

Of course, I also wind up deleting some of my FB posts (originals and comments) because they're just an immature, quick release of steam.

Reply
Kathy Haselmaier link
1/26/2017 05:30:02 pm

Dave, you made me laugh a lot of years ago and you still make me laugh today :)

Reply
Cate Meyer
1/28/2017 05:41:50 am

Kathy -
Thanks for the mini-tutorial. As a VERY casual/infrequent FB user (typically in read only mode!) I really appreciate this post. Now I know how to correct my typos, and remove stuff that may have been shared inappropriately. I'm definitely going to have to more carefully consider the 'who sees' dimension... vs only posting things I'm comfortable with the whole world seeing... BUT, then maybe not!?!? I fear this could lead to more time on FB, vs spending it on other priorities - like talking to people in person... =:-o Thanks again!

Reply
Kathy Haselmaier link
1/28/2017 07:03:47 am

Cate, Thanks for taking the time to comment. Everything you've written is true :) -- Kathy

Reply
Bob Steiner
1/28/2017 12:35:01 pm

Kathy, great post! Since you have established a greater level of trust with me than Mark Zuckerberg, I have a question - when I share a post with specific individuals, can I be sure that no other facebook friends will ever see it?

Reply
Kathy Haselmaier link
1/29/2017 10:15:40 pm

Bob, it's my understanding that only the specific individuals you specify via a Facebook will see the post via their account, but ... keep in mind that someone could see the post if they were looking over another user's shoulder, or if one of the specified friends took a screen shot or picture of the post and then shared it. You probably know better than I do what can happen once you set those bits. Personally, I use the blocking functionality to respect people's time and/or interests, but never in an attempt to keep a deep, dark secret ;) Hope that helps.

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    Kathy Haselmaier

    Technology enthusiast.
    ​Communicator.
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